MOBILE, Alabama - Patti LaBelle was in Mobile visiting an ex-boyfriend who she says borrowed $7,000 from her back in 1987.
She was asked what she thought about this year's American Idol contestants and new judge Ellen DeGeneres.
Miss LaBelle said that the 24 contestants are probably 24 of the weakest wannabees that she has seen in the shows nine year history.
She said that southern California's Andrew Garcia and Kara's "Cowboy Toy" Casey James are about the only two who can actually sing, although she added, that Andy kind of messed up royally with his song selection.
LaBelle said that she has no idea who the heck suggested to Garcia that he sing the Star Spangled Banner, but he went straight into the dumper with that song, and especially his rendition which showcased a bagpipe, a glockenspiel, and a tuba.
And as far as Cowboy Toy went, his choice of singing the Dixie Chicks hit "Cowboy Take Me Away" just did not sound too good being sung by a male. Patti could not help but think about the movie Brokeback Mountain.
But Miss LaBelle reserved her harshest criticism for the four American Idol judges, whom she noted are not qualified to judge a three-legged potato sack race, much less a music show.
First she said that Simon Cowell has become angry, bitter, cranky, and if he was a woman, she would swear he was going through the change of life.
She added that the "British Bulldog" really needs to hurry up and marry his fiancée Mexicana Hussein because there is a lot of 'stuff' starting to back up into his trachea.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The name of Simon Cowell's fiancée is actually Mezhgan Hussainy. I think that LaBelle suffers from the same linguistic illness that afflicted George Bush (the man boy, not the father man).]
LaBelle said that Kara DioGuardi has got to find a way to start acting her age and not her shoe size. Kara is 39, but LaBelle says that each time that she sees Casey "The Singin' Cowboy" James she starts to acting like a boy-crazy schoolgirl.
La LaBelle says that the bro Randy Jackson needs to first of all stop wearing so much makeup. She said that there isn't another black man anywhere in America who has the false skin color that the "Dawg" has. She smiles and says that he is using enough foundation base to hold up a ten story building.
She also said that Jackson has got to stop throwing down those 'gang signs' because he looks about as silly doing that as Ann Coulter does trying to look dainty and feminine.
And as for Ellen the resident 'lesbo' DeGeneres needs to let her hair grow out so that she doesn't look like Rick Schroder.
LaBelle also pointed out that Ellen has got to stop looking into the camera and winking and throwing kisses to her wife Portia de Rossi.
To find out more about the bitter, sarcastic, and 65-year-old Patti LaBelle log on to www.bittersarcastic65patti.old
