Tiger Woods to star in Eastenders

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Sunday, 21 February 2010

image for Tiger Woods to star in Eastenders
Tiger Woods and Courtney Love rehearse

His performance could be described as wooden, but Tiger Wood's acting debut, where he read out something called an apology, impressed the producers of Eastenders so much that they have offered him a part in London's most popular soap opera.

Millions of viewers in the UK tuned in to watch the much hyped live performance of Eastenders on Friday and were astonished by the unbelievably bad acting of some of its best loved characters. The producers of the show defended the performance by saying that people really do talk and behave like that in the East End of London.

It's thought Tiger would play the part of a professional golfer who ends up in Albert Square during the British Open tournament at the Royal Walford golf course.

He would walk into the Queen Vic, go to work on the two blond barmaids, have a dabble with the hot Indian chick, before declaring his love for fat Heather. This storyline would be dragged out for weeks and weeks until the climactic Christmas Day episode when his wife (played by Courtney Love) would make an unexpected appearance just as he was getting married to Dot Cotton.

He would then spend the next three months trying to cover up all his affairs after he moves in to a one bed, first floor, mid terraced conversion flat with his gullible wife.

Then after a run in with the Mitchells, when 93 year old Peggy reveals that Tiger is the father of her new baby, the golfer turns to drink, gets behind the Wheel of his Vauxhall Astra and crashes into the Launderette.

He confesses all his sordid secrets to his wife who then attacks him with a 9 iron and he disappears from the Square leaving the story line open for him to return at a later date.

It's not yet confirmed if Woods will take the role as he was available for comment but no one had scripted him a comment to read out, so he just sat there open mouthed saying nothing.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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