Lily Allen Wins Great Britain's Title of "Miss Cellulite Thighs"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 25 January 2010


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Lily Allen has stated that if her cellulite gets worse she may opt to have a thighs transplant operation.

NOTTINGHAM, England - Electropop singer Lily Allen has just been named Great Britain's "Miss Cellulite Thighs."

Ms. Allen, who is only 24, literally ran away with the title receiving a total of 98 out of a possible 100 points.

The second place finisher was Sarah Writchlow, 89, from Exeter who scored 82 points. The point system is based on the higher the points the worse the woman's cellulite is.

Lily Allen, was recently dating Knowles Fitzwilliam, who plays for the semi-pro football team The Sheffield Spitfires. Fitzwilliam had remarked to a reporter for the BBC that when he first got intimate with Lily he was absolutely shocked at the degree of cellulite that she had on the back of both of her thighs.

He said that luckily Lily did not notice him making the faces he knows he was making. Knowles said that he ended up breaking up with Lily two days later.

He remarked that he knows that he was wrong to break up with her just because of her first-degree cellulite, but he said that he never told her the real reason. He said that he merely said to her that he did not like the choice of songs she was choosing to record.

In other news. Cheryl Cole says that she has signed to do commercials for several products including a brand new birth control product in which the woman puts one drop in each ear, two drops in her nostrils, and three drops in her fuzzy wuzzy (vagina).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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