Nordegren: I cheated on Tiger -- with Uchitel

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Tuesday, 8 December 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Nordegren: I cheated on Tiger -- with Uchitel
Unidentified crotch from Nordegren pool party

In a new twist to the Tiger Woods saga, Elin Nordegren has confessed to cheating on Tiger -- with one of his mistresses, Rachel Uchitel.

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart," said a teary Nordegren. "But I know in my heart that everyone will forgive me, because everyone knows that Lesbians are totally hot, and everyone with eyes to see can tell that Rachel is even hotter than that."

This is not the end of the story, according to neighbors.

"We all know that Tiger was totally hooked on Ambien and Vicodin", said one neighbor, who declined to be identified. "When he was totally zonked, Elin would have these mind-blowing pool parties."

"Sometimes, at these parties, Elin would have nine-way Lesbo sex with Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Jamie Jungers, Mindy Lawton, Cori Rist, and Holly Sampson", she said.

"It was nine-way because she invited some neighbors, too," the source added.

This 'inside' source offered a new explanation for the car-crash incident that revealed the entire sordid ordeal.

"Elin took videos of her pool parties", according to the source. "Tiger found one of them and flew into a rage, accusing Elin of being unfaithful. He could not bear the thought of his wife 'being with' his mistresses, and totally blew a gasket."

It is rumored that Elin will shortly be selling screen rights for the videos, which she describes as "totally hot, total reality."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more