Jedward Are Really Vampires, Claims Sheffield Woman

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 30 November 2009

image for Jedward Are Really Vampires, Claims Sheffield Woman
A Really Unconvincing Picture Of A Vampire. Taken Yesterday. In Sheffield.

X-Factor twins, John and Edward Grimes, aka 'Jedward' aren't really twins at all, and they don't come from Dublin, Ireland.

They are in fact vampires from Rumania, from the Transylvania region, who were picked up by pop promoter Louis Walsh in Bucharest.

This according to Nellie Hardwick of Sheffield, a seer who drinks too much special brew.

"You've only got to look at them," Hardwick told us. "They've got really pasty, washed out complexions, and they sweat too much in the light. Plus they've got bloodshot eyes. That's a dead giveaway for a vampire that is. Look at Christopher Lee. He never denied it. The bastard. And Gary Oldman. He never denied it either."

And your point is? We ventured.

"Jedward aren't Irish!" the harridan screeched. "They're bloody Rumanian. They learnt that Dublin brogue off a shyster named Fergus McCarthy. It's the truth I tell you!"

At which point we retreated, because we were a little concerned about Mrs Hardwick's mental state.


She called me "young man"

I was happy with that so I fucked off.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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