Monday, 2 November 2009

Ninja Zombie Sluts on Ice, the newest production for the people who produce The Ice Capades, will open in town next week for a three day, five showing run. The show is directed by Ted Brockmeyer, the man responsible for "Disney Princesses on Ice," "Bert and Ernie on Ice," and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on Ice."

When asked about the newest production, Brockmeyer said "we are going for a different target audience. Most of our themed shows in the past have appealed to small children and their parents and families. Regular Ice Capades events bring out housewives and gay males. With this new show, we hope to bring out men of all ages and teenage boys."

Stars of the show appearing in the Ninja Zombie Slut costumes consist of the American, British, French, Canadian, and Russian Olympic figure skating teams from the last three competitions. Recognizeable names are Bruce Haywood, Bruce Davis, Bruce McDonald, Katarina Krxewski, Olga Boxlananovich, and Zelda Brucenikov.

When asked if the show was having a successful run, Brockmeyer said "sluts, ninjas, zombies.....fighting, boobs, blood, martial arts, tits, body parts, monsters, sharpened ice skates, hooters, ....of course it's successful! The only thing that would have brought out more men is if we had called it "Naked Ninja Zombie Sluts on Ice!"

Mr. Brockmeyer also added that potential viewers should also remember that the women performers will be skating on a cold, frozen, ice surface "and we all know what likes to get perky and stand at attention when they get cold."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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