Mogadishu, Somalia - Bargis Tryhol, world famous international rake, connoisseur of women breasts, and known as 'The Nookie Expert from Newark', announced he was taking a government position with the very irregular Somalian de facto government in a religious enforcement position.
The Somalians, in a rigorous religious crackdown, have taken to stopping Somalian women, making them take off their bras, and then do the 'Bunny Hop' on main street, to determine if their boobs jiggle.
Women using bras to falsely support their breasts, are then publicly whipped.
Those who display firm breasts, are immediately taken aboard a pirate ship and used as decoys to cause 1200' oil tankers to slow down and be boarded by 2 pirates with cutlasses until a ransom can be paid.
Tryhol, who now has the official Somalian Title of Mullah Mohammed Mammary, said he can't wait to start his job. Known in the internet sex trade as a 'hands on type of guy', followers of his career say he is also known for working long hours, conducting exhaustive research, and not being afraid to 'get a leg up' over his competitors.
Meanwhile, the Somalians, who have not had a working government for decades, are stepping up their religious persecution practices, most notably since Barack Hussein Obama received the Nobel Prize.
Included in Somalian 'no-no's' are watching movies, cell phone ring tones, dancing at weddings, and yes, even SOCCER!
Another spokesman for the Somalians, Mullah Rahm Emanuel, said soccer was 'for gays and infidels', a comment which set off ESPN Soccer co-anchor, Skoob 1999 on his recent on air diatribe against the slur.
"Bollocks," said Skoob, broadcasting nude since losing a bet with co-host Erin Andrews and to counteract a BBC broadcaster who also appeared nude on air recently, " Ban Soccer! Not Bloody Likely. Send me over there...I'll be the one lifting their robes to check and see if there's one Somalian left with any BALLS!"
Bargis said he couldn't wait to team up with Skoob again.
"The last time we collaborated, "he said gleefully, " we scored a lot of POINTS!"