A man - me - who, reportedly, is the owner of the world's largest penis, has written a story about it to see if it would appear on the newspages of satirical news website, TheSpoof.com.
The penis, which is fifteen inches long, with a circumference around its girth of eight inches (erect), weighs around 3 kilogrammes, and was thought by the man to be just the sort of thing that would make interesting reading for regular visitors to The Spoof.
The man regularly takes the penis out for walks - on a leash, of course - and his neighbours often call out to the penis and pat it when it responds. They also throw it titbits to eat, and it loves nothing better than a nice, juicy 'bone'.
The man's next-door-neighbour, Wendy, told me:
"You've a lovely big penis, haven't you?"