Richard Gere Found 'Not Guilty' Of Obscenity, 'Guilty' Of Obscurity

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 14 March 2008

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A savage yesterday

The Indian Supreme Court has thrown out a legal case which accused has-been Hollywood actor Richard Gere of obscene behaviour, ruling instead, that he is not 'obscene' but 'obscure'.

The court in Mumbai took less than five minutes to come to their 'obscure' verdict, after hearing that Gere hasn't featured in a production of any note since Chicago in 2002. He had, it was claimed, almost disappeared from view until last year when he went to India on a holiday.

It was then that the ex-star got into bother, when he was caught 'having relations' in a shop doorway with Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. Public displays of affection, particularly anal sex, are frowned upon in India, as is the use of prostitutes, something Gere did in the 1990 blockbuster Pretty Woman.

When told that he had offended not only the Indian Nation, but also Indian Culture, he off-handedly replied:

"Savages!"

Fellow actor Ben Kingsley, who is the grandson of Mahatma Ghandi, said:

"They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me, then they will have my dead body. NOT MY OBEDIENCE!"

Asked about Gere's 'not guilty' verdict, Ghandi said:

"An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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