Jersey Horror Dig Reveals Lost Ark (2008)

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 3 March 2008


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The mysterious-looking Lost Ark

Police and forensic archaeologists digging at the Haut de la Garenne Children's Home on the island of Jersey, have turned up an unusual and valuable item in the form of the Lost Ark, the box made famous by intrepid archaeologist, explorer and treasure hunter Indiana Jones.

The sacred Ark of the Covenant, according to the Bible, has been Lost for thousands of years. It is said to contain the tablets of stone on which Moses wrote the Ten Commandments, or 'rules for life', which tell you what you ought to do, and more importantly, what you ought not to do.

One of the things you ought not to do is 'murder children', which is a complete contradiction of what has been happening at the Haut de la Garenne, which is Nepalese for 'House of the Wailing Souls'. *

The sacred Ark was discovered early this morning by an eagle-eyed officer of Jersey Royal Constabulary Rene Belloq, who estimated that it could be worth as much as £25 on eBay.

Harrison Ford, who plays the intrepid archaeologist, explorer and treasure hunter in the Raiders of the Lost Ark films, is currently filming the fourth instalment of the series Indiana Jones And the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull on the island of Jersey. He said:

"The emergence of a child's crystal skull on the island is excellent publicity for our new movie. It seems that the child did not die in vain after all."

* Translation provided by Bergerac & Co., Jersey

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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