Jersey Horror Dig Latest

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 3 March 2008

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Sarge, I think I've found something!

Police and forensic scientists excavating the site of the Jersey Children's Home in their search for bones, have revealed that they have made a significant discovery in their investigation - soil.

The announcement was made last night as news crews, clamouring for something to report about, broke through police lines and rushed the big holes that had been dug. There, the full horror of police work awaited them.

One reporter, David Moron, of The Sun, said:

"It was all there for everybody to see. Soil, soil everywhere. I was nearly sick. The public will lap this up."

Another member of the papparazzi, Alessandro Krap, of Italian daily Il Turdo, said in broken English:

"I take many photograph. Issa horrible. Whatta those police got to do. Mucky work. See the pictures tomorrow in Il Turdo."

Leader of the search, Deputy police chief Lenny Harper, has told his officers there may be many more weeks of thankless, back-breaking work ahead of them as they strive to find something interesting for journalists to write about.

Harper revealed that more policemen had been dragged in from other mainland forces to help with the search. He said:

"We know how newspapers work. If we don't find anything, there will be nothing interesting for people to read whilst they sip the milk off their Corn Flakes. We will be working around the clock to satisfy the ravenous appetite for horror of the newspaper-reading public."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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