A report by a senior policeman claims that many of the jobs that are currently the responsibility of uniformed members of the police, could, with equal efficiency, be undertaken by chimpanzees, enabling officers to get on with fighting crime.
In the report, by Sir Ronnie Flanagan, the Chief Inspector of Constabulary, it's claimed that many hundreds of millions of 'man hours' are wasted in completing such mundane tasks as shuffling papers, ticking boxes on forms, answering phones, grumpily greeting members of the public at police stations, and making tea.
Some duties, says Sir Ronnie, who is, himself, half-chimp, could be done better by chimps, such as tramping around the streets in pairs with their hands clasped behind their backs. In addition, it would take only a minimal amount of training to equip apes with the necessary 'know-how' to be able to make up false statements.
Members of the Police Federation have reacted angrily, saying that the report is "demeaning", and "belittles the hard work that goes into crimefighting".
But Cedric Darwin, assistant zookeeper at London Zoo, told TheSpoof.com:
"My lads are trained and ready to go. In an emergency situation, they could even be deployed on the front line to clean up the streets, something the human police seem unable to do."
