Paris Hilton 'ripe for Scientology detox'

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 25 May 2007

image for Paris Hilton 'ripe for Scientology detox'
Hilton: 'bottle blondes are bad-assed chicks becaue the hairdye affects their mental state'

California - (Ass Mess): Attorneys acting for disconsolate wannabe somebody Paris Hilton are considering a last-ditch appeal against their client's custodial sentence imposed for DUI sentence violations following negotiations for the peroxide slapper to enter a NarcoNon rehab run by the Scientology cult in San Francisco.

The second appeal which was launched today asks the Los Angeles court to agree that Ms Hilton is 'sad' and not 'bad' in a variation of the 'mad not bad' plea used by 12 Step treatment program hopefuls.

"Our client has now obtained medical proof that a peroxide-induced depression, exacerbated by the unnatural weight of hair extensions on her brain, was responsible for errant behavior that led to her unwittingly breaking sentence conditions in her DUI," her lawyer said today.

"She would like to trade the now reduced 23 day custodial sentence at the Lynwood Plaza Women's Correctional Facility for a three week stint at the NarcoNon Rehab, which also takes pets to avoid unnecessary additional trauma to clients' pooches."

The LA court has a few days to consider whether the appeal will be heard as a raft of shrinks lines up to testify on Hilton's behalf, citing new scientific evidence that effectively says 'bottle blondes are bad-assed chicks becaue the hairdye affects their mental state'.

The renewed appeal hearing will be considered on Monday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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