VIDOR, Texas - (Satire News) - Gov. Greg "Wheelchair Willie" Abbott was in the parking lot of a local Vidor Walmart, when he was suddenly attacked by a raven.
Vidor is a rough town, and is considered the headquarters of The Texas Chapter of the Ku Klux Klan.
Abbott estimated that the bird which bit him weighed about 18 pounds and it really did a number on his nose. The bird managed to bite the evil, hatefilled, low life a total of 19 times before the bird was shooed away by a Walmart basket gatherer.
The employee said that Abbott looked like he had been bit by a swarm of African Killer Bees and that he was crying like an 8-month old baby.
Meanwhile "Wheelchair Willie's" Democratic opponent for governor of Texas, the very, very popular and very intelligent Beto O'Rourke noted that the Trump-loving fairy bitch is 64, but due to the cellulite all over his face, the peckerhead looks like he's 84. ■
