HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - There is great concern in the Kardasian family as the eldest Kardashian sister was bit by a hostile Wyoming woodpecker on her very expansive butt.
Kim's boyfriend, Pete "The Dude" Davidson, tried desperately to shoo the damn perkerwood, woodpecker away, but as anyone who has been around woodpeckers knows, those little humongous beaked creatures are not afraid of a damn thing; not even of the ugliest and meanest birds in the world, the dreaded vultures, which are called buzzards in Texas, Oklahoma, and parts of Connecticut.
Miss Kim was rushed to The Zsa Zsa Gabor Celebrity Hospital where doctors had to forcibly remove shards of the woodpecker's pecker, (his beak not his prick) from the Kimster's hot, sexy, erotic ass.
A spokesperson for the hospital says that Kim is a bit traumatized, jittery, and is having trouble controlling her bladder.
Meanwhile, Mama Kardashian informed the news media that luckily Kimmy has her ass insured.