LONDON - (UK Satire) - Tickety Boo News is reporting that Piers Morgan is the unhappiest man in the entire UK.
Morgan's long-time girl, Sarah Ferguson, reportedly dumped him via a text message.
In the text the Duchess of York told the Mouth of London that it was over due to his incessant drinking, his arrogant nature, his two-bit personality, and the fact that his idea of foreplay is merely talking very, very nasty.
Piers informed TBN reporter Neville Twickenbuck that Fergie wants to date American men, so that she can end up marrying one; and preferably one that has lots and lots of dinero (money). As they say in Mexicali, Mexico.
SIDENOTE: Morgan added that Fergie was actually five years older than him, and he now realizes that he does not care for cougars, and he wants to find a nice 30ish Brit babe.
