NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – A record executive with Round & Round Records, has just informed the news media that Madonna, who looks much older, heavier, and meaner than Naomi Campbell, is having trouble accepting the fact that she is no longer relevant.
A close friend of the former "Material Girl" who is now known as the "Material Grandma," said that she hates the fact that her once millions of devoted fans have now dwindled down to somewhere around 60.
She recently put out an album titled, “Madonna Sings The Songs of Arianna Grande,” in an effort to cash in on the popularity of the pint-sized singer.
But as Hearsay Today’s Abby Yukon stated, the album failed miserably, as evidenced by the fact that the total album sales numbered a measly 42, nationwide.
Miss Yukon pointed out that 19 of those were purchased by Madonna, to give out to her children, the elderly at an old folks home, and her number one fan, Ying Yang Fu, who resides in San Francisco’s Chinatown.
Madonna recently appeared on Anderson Coopers Show and he asked her about her cellulite. The old, cranky, singer replied by admitting that yes she's got cellulite, and she added that it just goes to show everyone that rich, talented, and extremely famous women can get that cottage cheese sh*t just like normal, everyday, plain women do.
SIDENOTE: Madonna was to have been the opening act for Yo Yo Afro Woke, but he fired her after finding out that she has gained 71 pounds in just the last 13 days.