As reported last weekend, Madonna officially kicked off the Clinton Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign in front of a packed Madison Square Garden crowd before introducing comedian Amy Schumer. She said: "One more thing before I introduce this genius of comedy." "If you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blowjob, OK?" "And I'm good. I'm good. I'm not a douche and I'm not a tool. I take my time." "I have a lot of eye contact, yeah. And I do swallow."
Obviously, Madonna will have her mouth full before election day. However, she can only handle so many male voters - even for a slut like her. To be sure no man is left un-serviced, The Clinton's "Blow Jobs For Votes™" campaign is now hiring interns and surrogates as "pole workers" in key battleground states. As I reported on Sunday, voters will also see the dynamic duo of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky cum again. Monica working behind the scenes - training pole workers in the art of giving blow jobs. Bill, out front, managing the effort and providing the head.
When Donald Trump's campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway was asked about the Clinton's Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign, she said: "Why else do you think Donald has been spending so much time this week talking about how the election is rigged?" "After months of Donald being accused of being a racist, bigot, Islamophobe, baby beater, Ruski rooter, misogynist, and anti-Republican party insider, what voters do you think we have left?" She answered her own question: "Just white men between the ages of 18-30." "Madonna knows what head young men think with and the Clinton's Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign really sucks, as well as hits below the belt!"
A Fox News reporter asked Hillary campaign manager Robby Mook: "Isn't the Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign an antithesis to the Hillary Clinton female narrative and a danger to undermine all the efforts made by the Clinton camp to discredit Trump with women?" He said: "No way!" "We already have 90% of the women on our side." "The only women voters remaining are Evangelicals, conservative, alt-right, frigid, and wouldn't know how to give their man a blow job if their life depended on it."
Robby Mook went on to say: "Besides we aren't done with that Donald yet." "This week and, until election day, plan on seeing another bevy of babes come forward telling their harrowing stories with that bastard." "A woman caught on a elevator in Trump Tower standing next to Donald when it stopped abruptly and he brushed her behind." "A 38DD, endowed socialite, wearing an evening dress cut down to her navel, when Donald took an uninvited look at her cleavage." "A Trump office worker who will say Donald stepped on her toe during a crowed company event and, when she bent over to adjust her shoe, he probably looked up her skirt." "And, the most disturbing of all, thirty years ago on a snowy day on the streets of Manhattan, Trump, uninvited, grabbed an old woman by the arm to help her across the street." Robby Mook added: "Some Eagle Scout - he's a Spread Eagle Scout!"
From an inside source, closely working the Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign, it has been revealed that Bill Clinton will being making various guest appearances at selected voting precincts. He will be pretesting the skills of poll workers and personally evaluating how they handle a big load under fire. Also during his visits, he will be organizing preparations with the local National Spermbank of America (NSA) members.
A NSA spokeswoman said: "We are thrilled to have Bill on our team and he is so knowledgeable about blow jobs and their out cum." "Ever since gay marriage has been legalized in many states, lesbian couples wanting children has escalated." "With Election Stress Disorder causing men to have erectile dysfunction, sperm donations have been weaning." She went on to proclaim: "On election day the NSA plans to collect all polling results no matter how sticky they are." "We already have a fleet of refrigerated trucks equipped with plenty of specimen bottles." She commented: "The NSA applauds the Blow Jobs for Votes™ campaign for providing this great community service and offering our lesbian clients with a bonafide donor." "Any man voting because he gets a blow job and votes for a woman president must have the right DNA!"
