DALLAS – (Satire News) - Southwest Airlines has informed the flying public that they have decided to combine air travel with sports and they’ve decided to add on-board cage matches on most flights.
Southwest said that due to the recent 710% increase in violence from stressed out travelers against airline employees, sanctioned wrestling cage matches will soon be a new feature of the Dallas-based airline.
Airline spokesperson Bunny D. Fintawist, 51, said that since so many of their flight attendants are getting ambushed by effed up flyers, it is only fair that they can at least be allowed to defend themselves.
Flight attendant Joan Nolavinski, 38, said that she is tired of some of these pieces of shit flyers thinking that they can turn her into a human punching bag.
A week ago, Ms. Nolavinski, asked airline executives for permission to carry a stun gun in her purse strictly for self-defense, and she was denied on the grounds that she could end up hurting one of the paying customers.
The 8-year-veteran of the airline says that she has been having practice fights and wrestling matches with her live-in boyfriend Dillon, who is 6-foot-5-inches tall and weighs 285 pounds.
Joanie told 'Boom Boom News' that she is damn ready to get in on an 'on-board cage match' with some hot-headed bastard or bitch who she is going to fiercely kick like an L.A. Galaxy soccer ball.
