Last Lesson For Donald Trump

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Friday, 29 January 2021

image for Last Lesson For Donald Trump
"Look, I finally won!"

Poor Donny. He doesn’t understand how clocks work. It's okay, because if you have your very own gold toilet, time doesn't matter!

At 9:00 on election night, Donald Trump was on his way to a second four-year term in the White House. So he went to bed.

But clocks don’t go to sleep. Clocks keep ticking. Even though Donald went to bed. Time moved on. The world keeps going around.

It isn’t as though the world slows down and parks on the side of space somewhere and goes to sleep—no, Donald!

No. Votes continued coming in, continued to be counted, mailed-in ballots opened, sorted, counted for both sides, and the tally can, and often does, change.

Because of COVID-19 - that Trump said would disappear in March (but didn’t) - people decided to mail in their ballots, instead of risking the possibility of standing in line on election day and catching a case of COVID-19 that Trump said, (remember?) was supposed to disappear by March.

Mail-in ballots take a little longer to process. Envelopes had to be opened; ballots unfolded, votes read and listed. The process isn’t as fast as changing channels from PBS to Playboy.

It takes time. And by 2 in the morning, Donald Trump and his gold toilet were not destined for another four years in the White House.

It’s like when you’re in the second grade. Second-graders sitting in the front of the class will have their vote counted before children sitting in the back of the room. No conspiracy. No stolen election. It’s just the sitting arrangement.

No need to start a revolution, to storm the Capitol, hang the Vice President. It wasn’t 9/11, Pearl Harbor, Fort Sumter, or the War of 1812.

By the end of the week, after all the votes were counted, Donald Trump lost, and Joe Biden won.

Second-graders understand this, and so should Donald Trump!


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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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