WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – On his last day in office, Donald J. Trump, who will forever be known as that orange-headed devil, pardoned 692 GOP political criminals, thieves, crooks, scammers, atheists, and Lil Wayne.
Hip hop artist, Lil Wayne, whose real name is Wally Michelle Carte Blanche Jr, stands 5-foot-1-inch tall, and is the shortest punk to be pardoned by the fattest president in history. Trump tips the scales (literally) at 375 pounds.
The tiny tot rapper had been convicted of printing counterfeit $3 bills, bringing over 2,000 illegal parrots into the U.S. from the Amazon jungle, and operating a 747 without a license.
Both iRumors and iNews report that they have no damn idea why the twice-impeached Nazi worshiper, Trump, pardoned the little bitty rapper, since the two have never even met.
Trump’s personal physician, Dr. Yang Fu Fi, told Kitty Segovia, with iNews that the miniature singer paid the disgraced president $4.3 million to issue him a pardon.