Prog Rock fan Basil Smythe from Basingstoke, still hasn't listened to the week-long musical epic Boris Broke the Music Box by little-remembered rock band Clematis Wilt, despite the country now entering its fifth month of lock-down.
'Yes, I know, it is a bit bad,' said the balding, portly 47-year-old, 'but I just haven't had the time, you know how it is? I still haven't listened to all of Tangerine Dream yet, or Dream Theatre.'
Put together by Butch Arpeggio, and Daniel Pretension, it took a year to write and record the epic. At the same time, two theremin players never recovered their hearing or their fingers after the 17-hour noise dirge of 'Why are the Dogs going crazy?'
Only three people have listened to Boris Broke the Music Box in its entirety, and they all died of unexplained causes. We will warn Basil not to even think about playing it. Most people have suffered after listening to the first hour.