Forget Elections, Debates, And Delegates

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 8 March 2020

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A new kind of Presidential election.

A move is on to dismiss elections, debates, delegate counts, phony hats with silly mottos, placards, billboards, television commercials, speeches, rallies, and the rest of all that jazz. The US is ready for a fit President of the United States, who can skip up the steps of Air Force One, as President Obama quickly managed, spin around, wave good-bye, and get aboard.

Wheels up.

Instead of all the usual campaign stunts, those who want to be President of the United States should have to perform a preliminary yoga test on stage, in shorts and strap tee-shirts.

After she withdrew from the presidential race, watching the Elizabeth Warren interview on Rachel Maddow's show, Ms. Warren comfortably rested her right ankle on her left knee. Limber as a piece of cooked fettuccine, Warren could probably swing her right ankle up onto her shoulder. Follow that afterward with a handstand, certainly touch her toes while standing, and kick-ass both physically and verbally any head of state who would demean a woman. Kapow!

“Let me at that @$#%@!”

Can Donald Trump touch his toes? In his dreams. Can he touch his knees? Sure, he assures the world. While standing up?

'Sertainly!' he tweets.

Trump says he has pictures. He’ll release them soon. They’re being audited. Then he says that no one is really interested in whether or not he can touch his toes. He’s making America great again.

Coronavirus?

Let's focus on Biden’s son and Burisma.

What about Senator Bernie Sanders? Oy vey! Grumpy’s elbow and index finger are frozen in the accusatory position, limiting his ability to touch anything but the air and sometimes the lectern. Can he tie his shoelaces? Sure, before they’re on his feet. That doesn’t count.

Does that mean he’s automatically eliminated? It seems like a 'yes'.

Joe Biden finally comes on stage wearing tap shoes, stars-and-stripes shorts, and a tee-shirt. He taps his way to center stage sideways, like Riverdance, manages several Rockette high kicks, touching his toes twice, snaps on his Ray-Ban sunglasses, and moonwalks off stage.

And there goes the next President of the United States.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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