The first lady and I really enjoyed our recent trip to Switzerland except for the fact that my Swiss interpreter, Zunatina something or other, had a horrible lower torso rash. And, as luck would have it, your perfect president ended up catching it. I am going to sue that loser. Melania told me that the rash looks kind of like the state of Michigan. I think that it looks more like Louisiana. I am so proud of my latest wife. Melly can now correctly pronounce the names of 39 of the 50 states, plus she can actually identify about 17 states on a US map.
I am so fed up with all this malarkey regarding the so-called Trump Impeachment Trial. I swear between Chucky “Wucky” Shumer and Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi, I am now starting to have horrendous nightmares. Melania tells me that some of my orange hair is starting to fall out big time. And just this morning after my usual daily 3 Big Macs and a 12-minute nap, I noticed that I am starting to have trouble pronouncing simple words like hamburger, fried chicken, all-you-can-eat pizza, and woodchuck.
I want everyone to know that today, I received a check in the mail for $713.52. It was from Mexico’s President Pancho Villa. And he promised me that it is just the first of many. So hopefully all that crybaby talk about 'when is Mexico going to pay for the wall?' will now finally die down. Don’t anyone ever say that Donald Johnny Trump doesn’t keep his campaign promises. Yes, it took 3 years, but like the great American president from El Segundo, California, Abraham Lincoln, inventor of the Lincoln Logs, once said, “It’s better to be fashionably late than to never come at all.” And finally, is it just me, or is Rudy Giuliani getting uglier with each passing day? Please somebody throw a beach towel over that clown's face. Mikey Pence told me 45 minutes ago that Rudy is starting to scare the hell out of the White House ducks.