Bookworm Has Read Some Awful Books Lately

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 30 April 2019

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Everyone has a terrible book in them

A man who considers himself something of a bookworm, has revealed how, over the last few months, he has had the misfortune to have selected for reading several books that have turned out to be an absolute bag of shite.

Moys Kenwood, 55, reads books whilst travelling to work and back, in his breaks at work, before bed, and, sometimes, whilst taking a dump. Many have turned out to be well worth the time spent reading them, whilst others have not.

First amongst these was 'Mugby Junction' by Charles Dickens, a 50p purchase from an Olde Charity Shoppe, which is a collection of eight short stories about a railway junction. Four are by Dickens. Four are not.

"Only one is readable," said Kenwood. "In fact, it's comforting to know that even the very best authors can still produce some token drivel along the way. In this instance, the rail-way."

The next book to receive Kenwood's 'Waste of Time Award' was 'The Poorhouse Fair' by John Updike. Said the bookworm:

"It's the story of the residents of an old people's home, and what a load of fucking old rubbish it is! Fortunately, it was only 30p!"

A surprise in the list of shit books, however, was 'Mere Anarchy' by Woody Allen. A great admirer of Allen's films, Kenwood was gravely disappointed in the book, a collection of 'so-called' humorous essays that, he said:

"are so unfunny, that a new word is needed to describe just how unfunny they are. I didn't laugh once. Indeed, as it's Woody Allen we're talking about, I laughed nonce."

Kenwood's least favorite book, however, was 'The Life of Pi' by Yann Martel. He said:

"The beginning was OK, but then it just got more and more stupid. To be honest,it was a task. I'm always reading everywhere about the 'symbolism' the book contains, but I read for entertainment, not to solve riddles. If I have to work at deciphering what a book's characters are supposed to be, and what each of them is supposed to mean, I'm afraid that book quickly finds itself surplus to requirements. 0/10."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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