Durutti Column Enthusiast Can't Bring Himself To Part With Vinyl Album

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 21 April 2019

image for Durutti Column Enthusiast Can't Bring Himself To Part With Vinyl Album
The sound of Jack Frost dancing on a window pane

A rare and valuable collector's item presents the owner with a dilemma:

a) sell the item, and cash in on a decent sum of money, or

b) keep the item, and celebrate the ownership.

That was the dilemma facing one man from Hull as he contemplated what to do with his limited edition copy of the Durutti Column vinyl record album, 'The Return Of The Durutti Column', purchased in 1980, which is housed in a special sandpaper sleeve.

The record comes in a sandpaper sleeve so that, theoretically, it would damage other records placed either side of it, and it was for this reason, and the fact that it was a Factory Records release, that it very quickly became a much-sought-after collector's item.

The record can be seen for sale on eBay for various amounts up to £800.

But Moys Kenwood, 55, says that he feels the record is a part of his family, and a part of his family that doesn't argue with him, make him angry or upset, cause problems around the house, need feeding or clothing, cry and scream for things, or, indeed, anything else. It just sits in a box in his mam's loft waiting to be played, blissfully unaware that vinyl records have now been superseded by other forms of media.

Said Kenwood:

"We've been together for more than 39 years, and filthy, dirty money's not going to come between us now. You can bury it with me."

Vini Reilly rolled his eyes and tutted.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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