Investigations by Prince Philip and a rapid response palace Beefeater team yesterday confirmed rumours that Prince Charles, a great fan of the late Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" movie and with a notoriously unusual taste in women, (shunning attractive ones in favour of dog-like females), may have replaced the Queen as Monarch. Suspicions were aroused when a sinister motel near Buckingham Palace was raided two days ago by Beefeaters looking for a missing £2million sceptre and matching crown. A computer allegedly containing over 3000 images of ugly women was being examined forensically this morning.
Leaked sources reveal that in a hidden bedroom of the adjoining house the mummified corpse of a woman wearing a crown was discovered sitting in a chair. Customers have reported seeing a woman walking about in the graveyard at midnight with unusually big ears, wearing a crown. Several graves in the palace dog grave section were found opened. Reports of a shower covered with blood splashes and freaky violin music have been made to palace authorities.
Suspicions are growing among leading conspiracy theorists that the queen we see in public is really Prince Charles wearing a "leatherface" mask. If this were the case Prince Charles would have gained power over England, Wales, Scotland, Australia, The Isle of Wight, Northern Ireland and the Falklands by mummifying his mother in the style of Norman Bates, a character from the Psycho movies.
Reports that a strange voice coming from the bedroom saying, "You've been looking at that filthy crown and throne again Charles haven't you!" are being investigated.