In an ill-advised attempt to win the Ms. Californicate Beauty Contest, Chanelle Bigguns whipped off her bikini top, flashing the judges with not one, but (count 'em!) both, of her beautiful, bouncing boobs.
She claimed that her tactic was "a wardrobe malfunction," but the 23-year-old Ms. Beverly Hillbillies took her sweet time covering her amazing assets. Then, favoring the judges with a saucy wink and smiling broadly, she finished strutting her stuff on the runway.
Afterward, she told reporters, "If you have it, flaunt it; that's my motto."
Her undressing to impress didn't sit well with other contestants.
"She's lucky she has decent boobs," Ms. Banana Republic said, "because she's definitely short on brains."
Ms. Bra Zill, Rio de Janiero's representative, called Bigguns' exhibition "the desperate act of a no-talent bimbo," but admitted, "I wouldn't mind using her chest as my pillow."
"She'd be big during the carnival season," Zill added. "She's a real clown."
Bigguns took her rival's ribbing in stride, giggling (and jiggling) at the other pageant contestants' "bimbo-brained barbs."
She also had some advice for her critics: "Be in it to win it, and let it all hang out!"
Bigguns finished the contest as the pageant's fourth runner-up.
Was she disappointed?
"If I hadn't flashed the judges a grin," she said, "I might not have placed at all."