Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 28 February 2014

LOS ANGELES - Katy Perry could have saved herself a lot of time, money, and heartache if she had only listened to 17 or so of her friends and relatives and realized that John Mayer is a loser with a capital L.

Katy should have gathered that the dude known as The Wiener With Feet isn't called Mayer The Player for nothing.

John, or Johnny as Michelle Obama calls him, has left a string of broken hearts from Cucamonga to Cape Cod.

He has played with the love gadgets of such high profile women as Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Ke$ha, Taylor Swift, and even believe it or not America's most famous or infamous White House intern Monica "Lips" Lewinsky.

Katy fell for Mayer hook, line, and sinker, as they say down in Mobile, Alabama.

She really and truly thought that because she has two of the most amazingly gorgeous boobs in LaLaLand that she would be the one to tame The Great Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Emperor...wrong eraser nips, and let's make that wrong for the third time. STRIKE THREE! Out of the batter's box please.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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