A Dejected Alec Baldwin Says He Is Thinking About Leaving America and Moving To Portugal

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

image for A Dejected Alec Baldwin Says He Is Thinking About Leaving America and Moving To Portugal
An unidentified woman reading about Alec Baldwin's latest exploits. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

EAST HAMPTON, New York - The fiery-tempered Alec Baldwin has stated that he is tired of being on the front pages of America's newspapers and may decide to leave the good old USA.

An inside source told Celebrity Globe that the 55-year-old actor has said that he needs to slow down before the stress takes it's toll on his health and turns him into a male version of Lindsay Lohan.

In his latest escapade he exploded rattling off countless expletives when he learned that someone had defaced his Hollywood Walk of Fame star.

Baldwin's wife Hilaria Tostada Thomas-Baldwin says that everyday he seems to get angrier and angrier and his bitterness is starting to change his personality from a half decent guy to an evil, demonic troll.

She has mentioned it to him many times, most recently as the two sat eating a family order of buffalo wings in the parking lot of a Captain Cluckity Cluck Cluck's Chicken Shack in Greenwich Village.

Alec has said that he is seriously considering moving to Portugal. When asked why Portugal the thespian replied because he is the number one American celebrity in Portugal due to his humorous commercials for Itch Away Crotch Powder™.

He also noted that he speaks perfect Portuguese and in fact he speaks it much better than he does English or Swahili.

SIDENOTE: Alec is trying to convince his only child a daughter Ireland, from Kim Basinger, to move with him to Portugal. She is somewhat reluctant but may agree especially after her father promised he will give her $85,000 the minute they land in Lisboa, Portugal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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