Jessica Simpson Loses 50 Pounds And States That Eric Johnson Better Marry Her And Pretty Damn Soon

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

image for Jessica Simpson Loses 50 Pounds And States That Eric Johnson Better Marry Her And Pretty Damn Soon
Jessica says that Eric better set the date before she kicks him to the curve.

REDONDO BEACH - Jessica Simpson was at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon enjoying the heck out of a plate of Fee Fi Fo Fum Foo Foo with an unnamed lady friend when she was approached by Pia Confetti with Celebrity Globe.

Jessica asked Miss Confetti to join them which she immediately did. Simpson was told that she looked fantastic after having lost 50 pounds of fat.

Simpson beamed with pride and said that she did it to get her fiancé Eric Johnson to hurry up and set the damn wedding date.

She pointed out that he has been putting it off for the past year. Jessica revealed to Confetti that if Eric does not sit down with her and set the date soon then she is going to kick his noncommittal butt to the curve and move on.

When asked if there was someone waiting in the wings, Simpson winked and replied, "Sweety, this good-looking, sexy Texas gal has a whole corral full of salivating fellas just a chompin' at the bit to get to me."

Her friend gave Jessica a high five and then Jessica gave Confetti a high five as well.

SIDENOTE: Jessica told Pia Confetti that she has set March 1, as the day that Eric better make his decision.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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