MC Hammer Nailed By A California Cop

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 25 February 2013

image for MC Hammer Nailed By A California Cop
Dublin police officer Dixon Deckerdiggle is shown on the right. (Photo courtesy of Clint Eastwood).

DUBLIN, California - The rap artist once known as MC Hammer spent some time in the Dublin slammer after he was arrested by a Dublin police officer.

Officer Dixon Deckerdiggle told the news media that Mr. Hammer, the hip hop rapper whose 15 minutes of fame ended a long, long time ago, was arrested on grounds of being belligerent, boisterous, vulgar, and singing out of key.

The rapper whose real name is Stanley Kirk Burrell said that he was just sitting in his KIA Spectra in the parking lot of a local IHIPHOP Soul Food Restaurant when he was approached by Officer Deckerdiggle.

The "U Can't Touch This" singer said that he had just finished eating a collared greens and macaroni sandwich and was just sitting in his car minding his own business while singing one of his songs "2 Legit 2 Quit."

He said that the officer walked up to his car with his pistol drawn and told him to stop singing and get his behind out of the Hyundai.

Hammer told him that it was a KIA and not a Hyundai. The officer became visibly upset and told him not to question his authority.

The singer then started rattling off some Ebonics expletives. The white officer, who is married to a black woman, knew exactly what Hammer was saying and he informed him that he was going to be arrested.

Hammer rolled up the window and yelled out "Laters!" and proceeded to drive off.

At that point Officer Deckerdiggle broke the driver's side window with his billy club, opened the door, and told Mr. Hammer that he was placing him under arrest.

Hammer said "That ain't happenin' bro - it just ain't, no how, no way José."

The Dublin police officer took out a can of pepper spray and told him to get out or he would get pepper sprayed.

Hammer hollered out, "There ain't no way that you are going to..."


The artist known as MC Hammer started screaming like a crazed banshee and began crying like the speaker of the house John Boehner and former NFL quarterback Brett Favre as he was led away in handcuffs.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To see a dozen photographs of the IHIPHOP parking lot incident go to www.mchammerbadattitude.pix].

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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