MELBOURNE - Tiger Woods was reported to have been seen last night at various Melbourne watering spots with Aussie high-jump champion Marsu Pial. Of kangaroo heritage, Ms. Pial represented Australia in the past two Olympics in the high-jump competition.
Woods, coming off two disappointing rounds in the President's Cup where he lost his first two matches against the International Team, said he needed some strange stuff in order to forget his disappointing ball-striking.
"How strange is strange?" asked the concierge at the Royal Melbourne.
The striped one responded, "Don't care as long as she doesn't talk."
"Do I have the gal for you!" exclaimed the smirking concierge. "She will be hopping up to your room in an hour."
You have heard of putting lip-stick on a pig? Well, try doing that to a kangaroo. Anyway, Marsu was escorted up to Tiger's room by two handlers who announced that his date was ready for action. With two chilled bottles of Dom Perignon stuffed in her pouch, she hopped across the threshold into Tiger's waiting arms.
"Just what the Doctor ordered," said the grinning golfer.
As many lovers have related, half the fun is in the chase. Well, Marsu wanted to prove she was not "just another Aussie strumpet." Showing her Olympian skills, she rope-a-doped Tiger around the bed for nearly an hour, hopping mischievously away from him just when he thought he had her cornered. Unfortunately for Woods, his room was circular; thus giving Marsu the advantage.
"This is bullshit," yelled the dejected one. "If you didn't want to hop in the sack with me, why did you come up to my room?"
Not wishing to duck the question, the coquettish kangaroo demurely replied, "I have always been scared of Tigers."