Tiger Woods searches for new caddie with good assets

Written by Lyndon

Friday, 19 August 2011


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How long can Tiger skirt the issue?

AKRON, Ohio--Tiger Woods has fueled yet another media firestorm, and this time it centers on his firing of longtime caddie Steve Williams. The question on all golf-minded minds: whom will Tiger choose to replace Williams?

Although some believe Tiger will give experienced caddie Fanny Sunesson the nod, Tiger's recent history would suggest a severe change from the status quo.

ABC commentator, Bryon Longhurst: "Tiger needs someone with a good pussy cat-like reflex helping him to take quick action. He doesn't want to have to do all the thinking or all the work."

"A caddie who can lead a golfer down the path he wants to go," said NBC frontman Johnny Hicks, "without him having to spell it out--that's a good, tight asset to have on the green."

Experts from across the Atlantic were quick to weigh in. The BBC's Tony Cotter commenting at a benefit luncheon in Sutton (Surrey): "Especially when a golfer is having a poor day, it's of the utmost importance to be able to go down on his level and ease his pain. An excellent caddie can do this."

Other qualities identified as a essential pieces in Tiger Woods' puzzle: someone who keeps a leg up on the competition, doesn't have chapped palms, and helps Tiger to stay abreast of any new tools and toys of the trade.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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