An Extremely Bitter Lindsay Lohan Will Not Be Giving Ex-Girlfriend Samantha Ronson and Her Future Wife A Wedding Gift

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 17 September 2011


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image for An Extremely Bitter Lindsay Lohan Will Not Be Giving Ex-Girlfriend Samantha Ronson and Her Future Wife A Wedding Gift
Samantha Ronson (L) and her fiancée Erin Foster (R) shown standing in line at a George Strait concert.

VENICE BEACH - The poor, little, troubled, and misunderstood starlet Lindsay Lohan reportedly threw one hell of a hissy fit when she learned that her long time ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson has asked her new belly bumpin' girlfriend to marry her.

Ronson, who lists her profession as a professional boy clothes model, told Tahiti Zeppelin of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres that her fiancée Erin Foster is the nicest, prettiest, sexiest, funniest, and cleanest girl she has ever dated.

Samantha told Zeppelin that Erin is extremely funny and actually knows about 4,312 jokes. Sam confessed that the joke that Erin tells about Nancy Pelosi and Ann Coulter making out while sitting on a Shetland pony is so funny that each time she tells it she (Sam) ends up peeing in her pants.

Ronson also pointed out that Miss Foster literally makes her see the entire solar system when the two are doing the sis boom bah. She giggled ala Justin Bieber and noted that when she was with Lilo (Lohan) the only thing she ever really saw with her was gobs and gobs of freckles.

Erin is the daughter of songwriter David Foster who has written such hit songs as "Love Theme For Star-Struck, Starry-Eyed Starlets," "The Quasi-Ballad of The Neurotic Nympho Nutcase," and "We Danced Until She Started Burping Uncontrollably."

The last song was recorded by Bob Dylan and was actually nominated for Best Song of 2002. He later followed that song in 2007, with his mildly successful, "I Had To Dump Da Bitch When She Burped As I Was French Kissing Her."

Tahiti Zeppelin spoke with Lindsay Lohan at her Venice Beach home Lucky Lohan Land and was told by Lohan that she will not be giving her ex-girlfriend a wedding gift.

Lohan told Zeppy that she really and truly hopes that Erin dumps Sam once she finds out that her temper is so bad that it makes Chris Brown's temper seem like he's sweet, little Jackie Evancho.

In a non-related story. Lou Ferrigno has just signed to star in the new Incredible Hulk sequel 'The Incredible Hulk - Green Is The New Green.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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