The proverb by the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, "necessity is the mother of invention," has taken on another life in the South recently where two industries seem to be gearing up as a result of the drought this year.
The outhouse industry has blossomed virtually overnight as has the production of glue and horse meat.
"Farmers don't have hay to feed their horses," said Kathy Grant, an equine cruelty investigator who runs a rescue group. "The severe drought has made it impossible to grow hay in the South. And those that do have it are charging exorbitant rates, up to $100.00 a bale."
Many horse owners in the South have to get rid of their horses because they cannot care for them. Glue factories and slaughter houses have been opening up in droves to accommodate horse owners who sometimes don't have any other choice but to turn their horses into glue or steak.
However, most Americans because of their affinity with cowboys and western legends do not eat horse meat. Horses are the cowboy's friends and it has to be shipped off to Asia, mainly Japan, Romania and Belgium and other parts of Europe. Most people in those countries have never heard of the Lone Ranger.
"Particularly those counties affected by mad cow disease," said Grant. "Horse meat is a good lean, protein-rich substitute for beef. In America, zoos tend to be the ones using horse meat to feed their big cats and other carnivores."
The glue industry also seems to be growing in the South and sticking to consumers. Glue is, by and large, made from cattle and horse hides. "Elmer" was, in fact, the name of the horse that was originally used to make the first batch of glue.
Another business that has virtually blossomed overnight in the South is the outhouse manufacturing industry. Retailers are reporting ASStronomical sales of primitive privies and are beginning to introduce new lines to keep up with the more fashion-conscious southern consumer.
"Privies can be made to order," said privy spokesman, John Butte. "A custom-made privy may be a little more expensive, but it will please Martha Stewart and go with the lines of your house, or your houses' décor."
The average outhouse Butte said tends to be three to four feet square by 7 feet high. Most are single holers, but sometimes individual carpenters will get orders for double holers.
"We heard of a hotel placing an order for a dozen holer," Butte said, "and even got one for a two-story outhouse, but that's rare. People are still unwilling to sit with that many around. And a two-story outhouse comes with another set of problems that I'll leave to the reader to imagine."
To demonstrate just how popular outhouses have become, they were featured recently in the latest issue of Better Homes and Garden magazine. And the greatest thing about the article was that after the reader was finished leafing through its glossy pages, they could rough it up and use it as toilet paper in their new out home.
And remember, if you're thinking about buying one of these doozies, design is not as important as placement. Because women are more easily emBAREASSed, placement of your out home should always be next to a wood pile.
This way, women can use the excuse of stepping out to get wood. Men, who more than likely had to cut the wood in the first place, will never have to carry any more wood into the house again.
Warning: placement of your outhouse next to a wood pile does not, however, solve the problem of spiders and snakes infesting your out home, and, may, in fact, exacerbate it.
Also, never place your outhouse on a hill.
