Bush declares war on tree frogs

Funny story written by King David

Saturday, 29 December 2007


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President Bush has declared war on the tree frog, "ruinous little bastards"

President Bush together with the United States Senate passed a joint resolution to authorize the use of the United States Armed Forces against tree frogs. The measure needed one-half of a 237 vote to pass. It was passed 77 to 23.

"Now is the time America is called to greatness," the president said. "To be great you have to do great things like slaughtering tree frogs in a theatre of war. Tree frogs have been our enemies since the beginning of time, ever since God gave man 'dominion over the plants and the animals' in Genesis. Now, we can no longer live with tree frogs. It is time to annihilate those ruinous little bastards."

There are many kinds of scary little tree frogs in the world today. And it's easy to see why our adolescent and xenophobic president, with very little tolerance of anyone different, might adolescently declare war on such a countless species. It's much easier to kill something than it is to learn about it and become its friend, or even, for the love of _________(fill in the God(s)/savior(s)), fall in love with it.

Here is the president's hit-list from the families of Hylidae and Rhacophoridae:

The White's tree frog (Clitoria caerulea) believed to originate from Australia and New Guinea has a reputation for being a great starter frog for beginning frog hobbiests. They grow to become 4-5 inches in length with the females usually becoming longer than males despite the males having penises which don't usually show until later in life making it hard to distinguish sex at an earlier age. It is also called the dumpy tree frog because of it's dumpy appearance.

The Red-Eyed tree frog (Queenmudderous Zinfindeli) which hails from the rainforests of Costa Rica and derives its name from drinking too much Puerto Rican rum is really the devil incarnate.

The Pacific tree frog (Hellyeah regilla) hails from the Pacific Northwest and is one of nature's loudest farting amphibians. A fart from this beast can be heard all the way in up in Vancouver.

The California tree frog (Hellyeah Californiae) found only along the coast of Southern California) has acted in more pornographic movies than any amphibian alive.

The Grey tree frog, (Bucklitamus Efilbertamus) or the Northern Hemisphere backstabber is the chameleon of the frog world and holds no allegiance to anyone. This frog, if it were ever to enter college, because of its versatility and comfort in dealing with ambiguity, would be an English major.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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