Written by Evan Essence

Sunday, 30 December 2007

image for Bush Appoints Hatian Witch Doctor As Chief Economic Advisor

The US Dollar began tracking just below the Ugandan Shilling, for the first time, last week, and George Bush began seeking some emergency economic advice. Just what are you supposed to do, after you have stuck all of those pins into the doll, and the economic body suddenly stops moving?

Consumer confidence is at an all-time low, and the stock market is showing marked jitters, resembling ventricular fibrillation, on the realization that, amidst the worst global economic crisis in 30 years, the dumbest man on the planet will be in charge of trying to decide what to do about it.

George Bush, who has less than a third grade command of the English language, has appointed some of the most foolish people around to help him make his decisions...such as Donald Rumsfeld....the chief architect of a war that has no purpose, a war that can't be won, and a war that can't be ended.....and Alberto Gonzales...the Attorney General who had trouble deciphering all of those complex phrases in The Constitution.

Although Ronald Reagan deserves credit for quadrupling the US National Debt, by creating a revenue stream that was much too small to compensate for the size of his tax cuts, George Bush deserves the honor of 3 times exceeding the national debt limit, and bankrupting the U.S. government, by going on the most wreckless spending spree in the history of the world.

Bush is generally given credit for moving the US into an entirely credit-based economy. With all of the manufacturing jobs having been exported to places like China and Mexico, economist routinely talk about the US economy as consisting of only 2 sectors....the service sector...and our world class medical sector....an economy based entirely on serving each other.

Since exporting products and services is no longer an aspect of our economic strength, our economic vitality is measured by consumer spending...and consumer spending is entirely a function of how much credit is made available. In a credit-based economy, consumer spending is increased by maxing out credit cards, taking out loans on your house, zero-interest mortgages, and all levels of government engaging in deficit spending.

Since economic strength is measured by consumer spending, Bush won the hearts and minds of Wall Street brokers, with record levels of government deficit spending pumping millions of dollars of red ink into the economy for consumers to spend. If it weren't for all of the low interest housing loans bolstering consumer spending, Bush's economy would have been lack-luster from the beginning.

The major pillar of Bush's economic philosophy, has been that both consumers and the government can spend unlimited amounts of money, and nobody has to pay for it by paying taxes.

Now, Bush is bringing in a top witch doctor from Haiti to tell him what to do when the red ink runs dry.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: George W. Bush




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