'Jazz Pharmaceuticals' Sues Over Date-Rape Drug Rights

Funny story written by SpaceElevator

Thursday, 8 November 2007

image for 'Jazz Pharmaceuticals' Sues Over Date-Rape Drug Rights
Pharmaceuticals are now reproducing like rabbits

Palo Alto, California (Drugs R Us) - U.S.-based drug manufacturer Jazz Pharmaceuticals is suing Australian toy company Moose Enterprise and Canadian toy company Spin Master, Ltd. for interfering with their market share of the date-rape drug gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid (more commonly known as "GHB").

Jazz Pharmaceuticals argues that it has the sole rights to market their version of GHB known as "Xyrem" within the United States and its territories according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Contrastingly, Moose Enterprise and Spin Master, Ltd. claim that they had no idea that their Chinese-made toy products ("Bindeez" and "Aqua Dots") contained the potentially harmful chemical 1,4-butanediol that metabolizes into GHB when swallowed.

GHB (which may also go by such names as Liquid Ecstasy, GBL, BDO, GBH, Blue Nitro, Midnight Blue, RenewTrient, Reviarent, SomatoPro, Serenity, and Enliven) can affect the release of dopamine in the brain and at low dosages may cause effects ranging from relaxation to sleep. (Note: In the classic 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy and her friends are believed to have ingested GHB before taking a nap in the poppy fields.)

As panicked parents purge their children's toychests (and pubescent boys say to themselves: "Hey, I gotta get me some of that!") lawyers for Jazz Pharmaceuticals are salivating at the prospect of taking down their two main rivals in a hail of legal gunfire.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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