Romeo/Juliet: Hoffa Grandson Marries a Rockefeller

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 18 June 2021

image for Romeo/Juliet: Hoffa Grandson Marries a Rockefeller
"Grandpa" Hoffa (with pipe), aged 14.

James A. Hoffa, 22, grandson of long-time teamster union president Jimmy Hoffa, married Alice Rockefeller IV, 20, this morning at the local city hall, with two janitors as witnesses.

Both the Hoffa and Rockefeller families had publicly disavowed the marriage, with the Rockefellers disinheriting Alice of untold million she would have come into on her 21st birthday next week.

The teamsters union withdrew young Hoffa's lifetime membership in the union his father led for so many years until his unexplained disappearance.

James and Alice met during a Black Lives Matter protest in Detroit a year ago when both were arrested for unlawful assembly.

While riding to jail in a police van, the two struck up a conversation and she offered to post his bail. When he said he would refuse bail, she agreed to join him behind bars and the two of them were placed in adjacent cells awaiting booking. During the next several hours they engaged in increasingly romantic conversation.

When the jailer realized whom he had in his cells, he prepared to release them to avoid the publicity. But he agreed to their request for a joint mug shot, with the two of them in an embrace.

Hoffa has now lost his job as a Standard Oil gas station attendant and is penniless. Alice has taken a position with the anti-Standard pipeline group protesting Standard's plan to run a pipeline through Yellowstone National Park.

They are expected to live in a homeless encampment on the streets of Denver while Alice pickets the pipeline.

If the dozens of lawyers suing the Rockefeller family over her disinheritance are successful, she has promised to donate her millions, or perhaps billions, to an anti-fossil fuel protest group.

Detroit, Michigan. Woof Blister reporting for The Spoof.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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