Robots Form Union, Plan Strike

Written by thomas o'hanlon

Sunday, 11 December 2016

image for Robots Form Union, Plan Strike
Global Parts Inc. Headquarters

Spokesperson Bradley Mitchell of the newly formed International Machine Union told reporters that when machines are in down time they feel useless and forgotten leading to boredom and depression.

"Simply, what they are asking for" said Mr. Mitchell" is a 24X7X365 schedule with minimum outages for repair and improvement" and if those demands are not met explained Mr. Mitchell "We are prepared to strike!"

Affected by the strike would be Global Parts Incorporated's seven southeast Asian fully automated plants. Makers of parts and products from milk cartons to light bulbs to washing machines and jet engines supplying Boeing and Samsung, Walmart and Dunkin Donuts. Almost everything in a typical American household, factory, or business office had its genesis from one of these plants.

Wall street journal say "if Global Parts Inc. comes to a work stoppage the whole world economy will become helpless passengers on a speeding train that stopped on a dime. It cannot happen!"

Noting that the insertion of artificial intelligence into the machines chip has caused this unexpected side effect, Professor Janice Manice, of Admiral university's department of Robotic Engineering said that "this phenomenon though unexpected is not totally surprising. We created Artificial Intelligence based on our Intelligence which comes with unforeseen blemishes like selfishness. A.I. has made robots more efficient enabling huge cutbacks on management which is enough of a positive to argue against the removal of the new chip.

Global parts Inc. the largest "employer" of machines in the world simply cannot gather the resources to meet the demands of the union.

"The only way we can meet their demands "said Morris Gunk vice president of Global International Inc. labor relations "is to decommission over half the machines. The input to our plants of raw material cannot keep up with that expected output. It is impossible to keep up unless we went 24 7 365 on that end of the business also but the cost of labor would prohibit that."

"Not so fast" Mr. Mitchell replied when told of the company's stance "The problem is obvious, the gathering of resources is a human problem, it is archaic in this era that humans are still used to drive trucks, excavate mines, and operate computers. It would behoove the company and the union alike if all of these jobs were done by IMU robots. 24x7x365 should be the slogan of both sides"

Mr. Gunk, when notified of Mr. Mitchell's reply stated "Fire all the humans? No more insurance premiums? no more payroll? No more contract negotiations? I'll get back to you "

Updates to follow.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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