DEE TROIT, MI - Disgruntled fast-food workers have united, in Dee Troit, of all places, walking off their jobs in support of unionization, after union reps, armed with baseball bats and megaphones, promised them $15 and benefits for cleaning restrooms, clearing tables, and flipping boogers, not necessarily in that order. With the massive walkout in progress, customers are "safe," health inspectors say, "for now."
"There's no one there to put 'special sauce' on customers' boogers, lick taco shells, or dispense soft-serve ice cream directly into their mouths before filling consumers' cones," health inspectors pointed out.
"I'm worth every penny of $15 an hour," No Skylls, a self-described "chef" at one of the franchises, whined. "I mean, I flip a mean booger."
Counter clerk Manuel Worker agrees. "I always remember to ask customers if they want fries with their orders, whether they're ordering coffee, salads, or yogurt. That kind of salesmanship ought to be worth something."
President Obummer supports the strikers. "If I be busting my butt in the service industry--which I ain't and wouldn't do--and I be wanting a honest day's pay for slacking, I be depending on a union, too, especially if I be a unskilled, illiterate worker or a illegal immigrant who can't speak no English, not that all fast-food folks be in them category."
To draw attention to their plight, many fast-food folks wore their colorful uniforms while striking outside their places of former employment.
"When I hand out propaganda for our cause," "Toothless" Brown declared, "I be asking, 'You be wanting fries with that?" He smiled, his single remaining tooth, a gold one, shining in the afternoon light. "Most don't," he said, with a wink.