The Fed Buys The Dow

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 11 March 2020

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The Federal Reserve HQ, Washington D. C. Woof Blister reporting for SOS - Spoof On Stocks. The Federal Reserve bank here in the nation's capital announced at 4:05 EDT, five minutes after the U.S., stock markets had closed, that the Fed had invested heavily in Dow Jones Industrial stocks during the final thirty minutes of trading to stop the near free fall that had carried that average into bear market territory.

Rumor has it that President Donald Trump did not want the market to close down 20% from its recent all time high, which would have put the market into recession mode instead of only a corrective status. While the Fed did not specify which stocks it bought, insiders noted marked upward ticks on oil, cruise lines, hotels and Silicon Valley stocks.

By 7 p.m. EDT, Dow futures were again in free fall and Thursday's opening now stands at -600, wiping out all the gains attributed to the Fed's intervention.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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