Parisians woke this morning to German tanks on the boulevards outside their apartment buildings. In an effort to save the Euro currency, Chancellor Angela Merkel had given the wehrmacht orders to occupy France as it did in the Second World War.
Immediately on the Chancellor's order, a tank regiment had set off from Germany, crossing into France through the pro-German Alsace.
French regiments based along the frontier were at the time having dinner and only learned of the occupation when German soldiers in war-time field-gray uniforms were already goose-stepping down Avenue des Champs-Élysées.
In charge of German-Occupied Paris is General Adolfinus Merkel, who, we understand, is no relation of the Chancellor. As in World War 2 he took residence in the chic and very expensive Hotel Meurice on Rue de Rivoli.
French President Nicolas Sarkozy was not available for comment, but an aide said that he was contemplating military action to rid the capital of the unwelcome Germans. "Liking Angela Merkel is one thing; embracing Adolfinus Merkel is another story altogether," the aide told us.
The first decree that General Adolfinus Merkel issued from his luxury 5-room suite at Hotel Meurice was that any Parisian caught chopping down one of Paris's trees would be shot on the spot. Parisians had started to chop down trees to burn the wood in their apartments for heat and to cook their food because the price of electricity and gas has skyrocketed over the past few days due to the Euro currency crises. President Sarkozy had therefore said that they could cut down the capital's trees.
As General Adolfinus Merkel told our reporter, it is absolutely essential that the trees remain because "the German army likes to march in the shade".