"We're all ****ed!" says leading Economist

Monday, 28 November 2011

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Euros - can also double as toilet paper

Craig Moleunit, Britain's Leading Economist*, has spoken frankly about the state of the World Economy. He spoke candidly in a recent interview with business magazine 'World Accounting News Kite'.

"Basically, we're fucked! Screwed! Shagged! The debt crisis, the bank bailout, the collapse of the Euro, Inflation, the public sector cuts - It's all mounting up. It's like we've got a particularly nasty floater in the monetary toilet and the flush is broken - and B&Q isn't open till Monday."

Mr Moleunit was equally forthright about public sector cuts.

"Basically, it's like the public sector is a rent boy and the Government is a client - an extremely well-hung client. The public sector is going to have to grease up, bend over and bite on the debt-pillow! And even then the public sector may not be walking straight for some considerable time to come."

Mr Moleunit's comments come after a recent downgrade by ratings agency Effin and Jeffin, who have further downgraded the bonds of Italy, Spain and Greece. Spain's new grade is "Up Shit Creek without without a paddle!" Italy's is "Up Shit Creek without a paddle, no way back and taking in water at an alarming rate!" whilst Greece's bond rating is "AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH! You're avin' a laugh!"

Although the outlook is gloomy, Mr Moleunit has some sage words of advice for ordinary savers.

"This is Moneygeddon. Savers need to batten down the hatches, bury their money in a lead-lined concrete bunker eight foot under ground and wait 5 million years for the toxic-debt radiation to dissipate. Literally!"

*Craig Moleunit is Fictional Adviser to the Bank of England

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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