How Elmer Smuckmeister Saved His Free Range Chickens
BILLINGSGATE POST: Elmer Smuckmeister from Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, had a poultry problem. His free range chickens were being run down by speeding cars. What was once a quiet rural road with few cars, now has heavy traffic whizzing by at high spee…
Read full storyNo Funerals In Locale For Nine Days In A Row Now
Local historians were in a state of excited excitement and expectant expectation this morning, after it became clear that, in an unprecedented display of deathlessness, nobody has died in Tapon commune for nine days. The last funeral anyone can re…
Read full storyHow To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 3
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how my wife and I met, I like to go into this elaborate lie where I say that, albeit I was a stranger, I was a kidney donor who matched her then husband's blood type, and was a perfect match. I then…
Read full storyHow To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 2
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how many kids I have, I like to reply that I have three beautiful daughters and one really ugly one. I then elaborate that she truly is minging, I mean fucking horrendous-looking, like I wouldn't wish…
Read full storyHow To Deal With A Nosy Cunt - Lesson 1
When people at gatherings and parties etc., ask how my wife and I met, I like to go into this elaborate lie where I say she was a bridesmaid at my original wedding, and my girlfriend's best friend at the time, and that we hooked up on the actual wedd…
Read full storySheffield United Looking For Chris Wilder-Like Replacement For Chris Wilder
Sheffield United, the team rooted to the bottom of the Premier League, and who sacked their inspirational manager, Chris Wilder, a fortnight ago, have begun their search for his replacement, who, they say, should have all the qualities of the previou…
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