Pence’s first draft of West Point speech “you will fight on a battlefield at some point” hacked
The hacker group Orwellophiles-'R-Us has disclosed an early draft of Vice President Pence’s Memorial Day speech to cadets at West Point. In the final version of his speech he promised grim-faced cadets: “You will fight on a battlefield for America...
Read full storyTory Leadership Contest Latest: Chris Grayling Enters the Fray
There were whoops of joy from the membership of the "Conservative & Unionist" party (male and white, average age 57) today as Transport Secretary Chris Grayling threw his hat into the ever-expanding ring. "He's just what we need to open up the...
Read full storyNashville Man Admits He Virtually Never Knows
Although he generally nods vaguely when his friends pepper their conversations with the phrase “you know?”, Ned Doggett of Nashville, Tennessee, recently confessed that he almost never actually knows. “I feel like an idiot admitting it,” said Ned.
Read full storyMan Walked Four Miles, Then Walked Back Again
Drama in East Yorkshire at the weekend, when well-known local tosspot, Reg Gittens, decided to take a short stroll up the road from his house to 'stretch his legs'. Once on the road, however, Gittens mind drifted off, he lost his focus, and eventu...
Read full storyPlan to allow future convicts to serve time before they offend
Under a bold Home Office scheme, people who believe they might commit an offence in the future will be able to build up ‘Porridge Points’ at a time which suits them. If and when they are convicted of a crime, the courts will then use any credits t...
Read full storyThe Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #3: The Three-toed Sloth
Welcome again to the Wonderful World of Uninteresting Animals, and, for the third insipid instalment in the series, we're going to talk a bit about the Three-toed Sloth, and how it has come to be known as the laziest bastardo in South America. Ind...
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