Trump on 700 Club: "I'm a Porn Again Christian!"
President Donald Trump appeared this morning on Reverend Pat Robertson's 700 Club TV show and said in a booming and pontifical voice: "I AM A PORN AGAIN CHRISTANB!" As the crowd roared it's approval, Trump smiled knowingly and motioned them to sit. H...
Read full storyNRA Sues Florida
In yet another brazen display of sticking your tongue in a plug socket insanity, the NRA have decided to sue the state of Florida for enacting limited gun control laws. Apparently the NRA won’t be happy until six year olds can buy automatic weapons s...
Read full storyRussophobia diagnosed as swollen media glands and bacteria mites at lobus occipitalis publicae
Recent occipital lobe studies at Oxford and MIT universities have at last defined causes in the epidemic of Russophobia sweeping the globe. Russophobia = Russian meddling directed by Vladimir Putin wearing black gloves and hunching his back, or fo...
Read full storyTrump to slap dollars with UOOO-OOO-OOO-OOOOGE tariff
New York, NY - Overheard by the Trump Tower elevator operator, Igbay Arseay, at noon today: a brilliant plan for America to “keep its stuff”. As reported here, aliens are planning to use their vast hordes of accumulated dollars to buy all America’...
Read full storyDEA relieves drug cartel’s cellulose constipation
Tijuana, Mexico - Juan Valdez, of the Shinola drug cartel here, called a press conference today to thank the DEA for removing several pounds of hundred-dollar bills from his colon. He stated: I was s-o-o-o-o constipated! I’d run out of room to...
Read full storyDrone Doesn't Just DELIVER the Donuts, He EATS Them!
That's a no-no, his employer sternly told him. "Bad, bad drone." The drone had an interesting defense. "But...but...I DID deliver them, pretty much anyway," he argued. Pausing for a breath, he continued, "OK, OK, I was a little late, I admit it. A...
Read full storyJeff Sessions Keeps Empty Office Boxes Just In Case Trump Fires Him
The Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, has always been a ready to go kind of guy. On his anniversary he went with his wife to Aruba. On his 40th birthday he went with his wife to Venice and on December 5th of 2011 he went with his wife to divorce cou...
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