Putin Demands Trump Fire Mueller
Using the “back channel” line that bypassed US intelligence agencies and was suggested by son-in-law Jared Kushner, Vladimir Putin telephoned his friend at the White House from a Kremlin basement. “Ducky, you have to fire Mueller today. Mueller i...
Read full storyCambridge Analytica Behind Satan’s Election to CEO of Heaven
HEAVEN—Cambridge Analytica has some big wins under its belt—Brexit, the election of Uhuru Kenyatta in Kenya, and Donald Trump in the Confederate States of America, but the company pulled off one of its biggest sells just last week, when it rigged an...
Read full storyNew York Woman Successfully Plays It Cool During Unexpected Encounter with Long-Time Hero
New York woman Kim Perry successfully played it cool when, during a stop into a favorite neighborhood coffee shop, she ended up in line behind a famous and incredibly handsome actor whom she's greatly admired for years. Perry said that even though...
Read full storyCouple To Divorce Over Toilet Seat
A couple in Barrow-in-Furness have told family and friends that they are to divorce after failing to reach an amicable agreement in their decades-old dispute over their toilet seat. Malcolm and Marjery Loggerhead have been man and wife for 52 year...
Read full storyZuckerberg Explains Facebook to Old Guys
U.S. lawmakers peppered Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg with questions about the social media platform when he testified before the Senate Subcommittee on Grandstanding and Pontificating this week. “Mr. Zuckerberg, there’s something I find very troub...
Read full storyCommonwealth Games Anger as Scotland Men are Disqualified from Hopscotch Event
In an exclusive interview with our sports editor, Paxton Quigley, Scotland’s Team Manager, Jock MacSporran claimed full responsibility for the dismal failure and eventual disqualification of his men’s team from the hopscotch event at the Gold Coast’s...
Read full storyHuman sperm sent out by NASA into space is highly toxic and will cause alien destruction!
Aliens living, travelling, and existing without human destructive traits are about to be infiltrated by human sperm sent out into space by NASA! Special, crew-less space vehicles, loaded with the stuff, will be launched in the hope that passing UF...
Read full storyCat Got Stuck In Tree
Fire crews rushed to the scene of a 'major incident' in the Mannigham area of Bradford late yesterday, when a cat became stuck in a tree, and had its owner 'worried to pieces', it's been rumoured. The cat, Major, had climbed the horse chestnut tre...
Read full storySpurs' Harry Kane In Hot Water With Girlfriend
Harry Kane, the Tottenham and England footballer, was in hot water with his girlfriend after he swore on his daughter's life that he scored his side's second goal during their 2-1 victory over Stoke City on Saturday. The Premier League goals accre...
Read full storyRobert Mueller's Hollywood Access Moment
Robert Mueller, overheard talking to Billy Bush while exiting a Hollywood Access bus: “I’m moving on him, and I’m succeeding. I will try to fuck him. He’s married, you know—three times. But I’m moving on him very heavily. In fact, I took hi...
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