Trump planning "Trail of Tears Like None Other"
After admiring the portrait of the 7th president, Andrew Jackson, that he recently installed in the oval office, Donald Trump proceeded to outline plans on getting rid of illegal aliens by a humiliating and heartbreaking redux of Jacksons "Trail of T...
Read full storyPeyton Manning caught in the act
Peyton Manning walked into the bar I was at and took a seat on the stool right next to me. I must admit I was a little bit nervous having a famous athlete sitting so close. Minding my own business and trying not to act like a gushing fan, all of...
Read full storyTime's Up, ol' Timer
According to the latest AAA Auto Club statistics, there are over 35 million elderly, licensed drivers in the United States. With the onset of age, there is a demonstrative rise in the amount of accidents involving older people, especially those over...
Read full storyIndia declares the River Ganges is now a person!
The Indian government have introduced new legislation pertaining to their natural resources and now claim they are "people!" The polluted, River Ganges, is the first one to undergo a transgender operation and government officials have been down to...
Read full storyCubs Forced Out of Wrigley Field Just After Opening Day
In a stunning announcement it has been learned the Chicago Cubs will have to vacate Wrigley Field immediately and will not be able to return to the field for any future home games. Apparently the Cubs owner, Thomas S. Ricketts was not aware of a cla...
Read full storyOpportunities opened up by Brexit "include slave trade"
For centuries, Britain played a leading role in transporting slaves to the New World, a trade which enriched the country greatly. Thanks to Brexit, the industry could return to the UK to give the country a nostalgic glow and an economic boost - accor...
Read full storyBill Cosby is New Head of the Celebrity Career Killers Club
Hollywood, CA The head of the secret Celebrity Career Killers Club, Michael Richards, announced that Bill Cosby had been voted the latest head. The Celebrity Career Killer Club is reserved for celebrities who have successfully killed otherwise thr...
Read full storyNeighbors Get Restraining Order To Stop Woman From Eating Beans
A family in Higginsbern have successfully obtained a restraining order that prevents their neighbor from eating beans. Inger Clifton said she and her family had complained about a gas smell since moving in to the apartment above Flo Pyroclastopis'...
Read full storyTrump's Fired National Security Adviser General Flynn Says He'll Sing in Exchange for Immunity
Washington, DC The National Security Adviser, General Michael Flynn, who resigned/got fired for offenses including talking to the Russians and for secretly telling his friends that Ivanka's fashion line was put together in sweat shops in Shanghai.
Read full storyObama And Trump Face Off In Not So Epic Lightsaber Battle
Barrack Obama was knighted by the Jedi council and was enlisted in the fight against Donald Trump. Barrack Obama then proved his mettle by besting President Donald Trump in a mere two minute lightsaber fight. Master Yoda explained the council's de...
Read full storyMelania Trump to Sell Off White House Artifacts and Give the Money to the Poor
Trump Tower, NY First Lady Melania Trump today announced, through her English translators, that she would personally take weekend trips to the White House and crate up furniture and antiques to sell on EBay and give to poor middle-class citizens.
Read full storyCanada Wants to Join the European Union
Ottawa, Canada Canadian officials today confirmed that they are reaching out to the European Union in an effort to join. "We think there is probably a big vacancy in the EU what with Brexit and all, aye!" spoke a Canadian official. "Aye, and w...
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